Helping Anxiety in Kids
If you are starting to notice the signs and symptoms of anxiety in your child you might be getting overwhelmed. You’re wondering- how can I help? What can I do? I’ve spent over 11 years now supporting parents and their children in real time in schools. Here are a few strategies I share to all of the families I work with.
1. Name it, don't dismiss it. "I can see this feels really big right now" does more than "it’s not that big of a deal." Kids need to feel understood before they can calm down. Just like we as adults don’t like to be told to “calm down” or that our concerns are not important, kids don’t like it either. A pro tip: We don’t have to understand the why to understand the emotion. You can relate to the emotion of fear, even if you can’t fathom how math class is scary.
2. No over-accommodating. It's tempting to let a child skip the thing that scares them. We hate seeing our babies scared and uncomfortable. But avoiding it almost always makes anxiety bigger over time, not smaller. It’s going to get harder and harder to do the thing when it becomes easier and more comfortable not to. The goal isn't to force a child through overwhelming situations, but to help them take small, manageable steps toward the thing they're avoiding.
3. Build predictability. Most children do better with a routine, but anxious kids especially do better. Knowing what's coming next reduces the mental load of constantly bracing for the unknown. Keep morning routines simple and calming, communicate changes and schedules as much as you can.
4. Model real life, not robot parenting. You don't have to be unshakeable. Naming your own feelings and narrating your own coping ("I'm feeling a little stressed about this meeting, so I'm going to take a few deep breaths") teaches kids that anxiety is not only manageable but normal.
5. Know when it's more than you can handle alone. If anxiety is interfering with school, friendships, sleep, or daily functioning for more than a few weeks, that's a sign it's time to bring in extra support — not a sign you've failed as a parent.
When to consider therapy
A good rule of thumb: if your child's worry is bigger than the situation calls for, and it's not improving with the strategies above after a few weeks, therapy can help. This is especially true for school-related anxiety and school avoidance, which tend to snowball the longer they go unaddressed — the longer a child avoids school, the harder it becomes to return.
Support for Ohio families
I work with children, teens, and their families across Ohio through telehealth, with a particular focus on school anxiety and school avoidance — I'm based in the Grove City/Orient area and regularly work with families throughout greater Columbus and beyond. Because sessions are virtual, location isn't a barrier to getting support; what matters is that we're both in Ohio during our sessions together.
If you're not sure whether what you're seeing is "normal kid worry" or something that needs more support, that's a great first conversation to have — you don't need to have it all figured out before reaching out.
How to Choose the Right Therapist
Starting therapy is a big step, and picking the right person to walk through it with you can feel overwhelming. Between credentials, insurance panels, specialties, and a hundred profile photos on Psychology Today, it's easy to throw in the towel before you even book a consultation.
Here's what actually matters when you're choosing a therapist, and what to pay attention to once you're in the room (or on the screen) with them.
The Concrete Stuff
Licensure. Look for letters like LISW-S, LPC, LMFT, PhD, PsyD after a name. Each represents different training, but the more important question is whether the person is licensed to practice in your state. If you're looking for someone for your child, ask specifically about their experience with kids or teens. While anyone with the licensure can work with children, it’s best to find someone with experience and a desire to work with them.
Specialty. A therapist who lists "anxiety" as one of fifteen areas they treat is different from one whose whole practice is built around it. If your child is dealing with school avoidance, for example, you'll likely get further faster with someone who works in that space regularly rather than with someone trying to cover everything.
Approach. CBT, MI, DBT etc. While it seems our profession sure loves acronyms, it is important to know which one your therapist prefers. Even if you have no idea what any of them mean (which is totally okay), a good therapist will be able to explain what their modality is and why, without the alphabet jargon.
Logistics. Insurance or private pay, telehealth or in-person, and actual availability all matter more than you may expect. A perfect-on-paper therapist who can't see you for eight weeks isn't the right fit for a family in crisis right now.
The Part You Have to Feel
Research consistently shows that the relationship between client and therapist, often called the therapeutic alliance or rapport, predicts outcomes more than any specific modality or licensure type does. Rapport accounts for 15% of the therapy outcomes vs just 0-10% for the modality type (CBT v EMDR etc).
That's part of why many therapists (myself included) offer a brief consult call before the first real session. It’s a way for you and your potential therapist to determine if it feels right. If the vibes are off, trust your gut.
A few signs of good fit:
It feels like a safe place. You should feel like you can be open honest without being judged.
They explain things in a way that makes sense to you.
You leave sessions feeling like you were heard and validated.
Progress, or relief, starts to feel more attainable.
Where I May Be Different
Much to the dismay of the therapy myths and probably my Grad school professors- I believe self-disclosure is necessary! While therapists were once thought to be firmly neutral and somewhat closed off from discussing their own lives- times are changing. I want my clients to feel comfortable asking me things too! For example; what are my favorite coping skills? Do I have pets? Play video games? What did I do over the weekend? We are in this together and who I am as Bree should not feel like a mystery.
If It Feels Off
Trust your instincts. If after a session or two it doesn’t feel right, that’s okay! It’s not a sign that therapy doesn’t work for you. It more likely means the fit was off. If you find yourself thinking that is the case, let your therapist know. Most would rather you find the right match (including myself), even if it isn’t them.
Not Sure Where to Start?
If you're navigating school-related anxiety or avoidance with your child, or you're an adult looking to work through anxiety or negative thought patterns, I'd be glad to talk it through on a free consult call to see if we're a good fit. And if we aren’t, that’s okay! I am always happy to recommend someone who might be. Feeling better matters the most!